Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
