Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
