our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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