I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
