The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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