Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
