uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
