This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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