Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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