I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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