As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
