So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
