And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he fucked my hip out of place.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
