I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
