Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
