i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
