Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
