im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
