why didn't you poke me back
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
