dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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