I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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