i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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