I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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