It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
