it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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