That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
