I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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