did you get engaged???
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
