Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
