Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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