If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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