I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
