capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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