Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he shaved USA in his pubs
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
