I think i sorta joined a cult last night
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
