omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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