She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
