Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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