I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
