using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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