i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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