i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
