dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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