Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
