I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
