shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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