it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
