If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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