All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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