Whats the glycemic index on semen?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
