im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
