One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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