i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
His nipple licking is glorious
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