well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
