did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
