I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
